Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
