She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
