watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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