guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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