So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
