my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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