I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
