i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize