everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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