I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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