You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
