Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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