My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
