Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sorry my hands just texted you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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