she looked like the before picture.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
