that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
