The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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