Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
