Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sorry about my life...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
