She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
