she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
