a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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