It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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