I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
