My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
