Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
