We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
