theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
