you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
