david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
