What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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