I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
