hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize