Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
