she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize