i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
