I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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