12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
