Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
