I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
