i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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