the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
