It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
