You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
