I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
