Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
