good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
