Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
