If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
handjob tips. give me some.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
