But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
