Your face is a jimmy john
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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