I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
