It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
