I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
