So drunk its hurt
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
