You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
