your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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