I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
