We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
