I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
