I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
sarcasm needs its own font
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
