He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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