I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
