Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
