I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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