Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
