Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
