how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize